M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
