Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
