don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
