Only a mothe r could love this liver
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
