Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i think i just naturally attract stoners
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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