i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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