Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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