Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He shit in the fireplace
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
