When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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