forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
