I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
