You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm always down for nudity.
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