Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
