I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
