we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
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There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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