He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
