We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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