This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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