everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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