We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm like, not good at living.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
