fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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