it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
