I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize