you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
