guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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