What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
