he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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