I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
