you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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