I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
