There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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