i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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