It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
