I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
