I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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