Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
