Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
