i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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