dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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