I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
