I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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