Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
