Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm passing your future prison.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
