Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
