Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Two words: blizzard sex
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
