5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
