i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
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And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
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He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
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