A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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