Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize