apparently the secret to your success is patron
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
