god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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