My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
