I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
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I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
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Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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