pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
