The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Found your dick twin last night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
