Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
