you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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