like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
