and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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