Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
