they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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